I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
