The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
