I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
