Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
