Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this