Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?

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  (858): So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis? http://tfl.nu/f1iy
  Replies (12) Good night (1490) Bad night (838)
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  (415): View more from California

  oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob

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  (415): oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob http://tfl.nu/u9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (3089) Bad night (709)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.

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  (240): Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names. http://tfl.nu/nfcq
  Replies (26) Good night (1136) Bad night (5321)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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  (574): I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself. http://tfl.nu/2lez
  Replies (24) Good night (1305) Bad night (7339)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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  (217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/w1fj
  Replies (26) Good night (5099) Bad night (1087)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.

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  (847): His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it. http://tfl.nu/zrgw
  Replies (36) Good night (1254) Bad night (6495)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in

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  (740): this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in http://tfl.nu/i6mo
  Replies (13) Good night (3443) Bad night (705)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

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  (330): Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement. http://tfl.nu/p08o
  Replies (2) Good night (2300) Bad night (1399)
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  (415): View more from California

  Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point

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  (415): Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point http://tfl.nu/8yzz
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (1245)
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  (585): View more from New York

  they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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  (585): they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too http://tfl.nu/0m73
  Replies (6) Good night (3480) Bad night (909)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.

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  (715): I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone. http://tfl.nu/jgmj
  Replies (21) Good night (2706) Bad night (1091)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.

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  (541): rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work. http://tfl.nu/d84s
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (399)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Something about Sunday night screams phone sex

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  (443): Something about Sunday night screams phone sex http://tfl.nu/g1ms
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (378)
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  (448): View more from

  sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth

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  (448): sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth http://tfl.nu/msat
  Replies (3) Good night (252) Bad night (532)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Being responsible doesn't make memories.

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  (708): Being responsible doesn't make memories. http://tfl.nu/sk11
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (113)

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