she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday