In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life