she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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