Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me

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  (586): If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me http://tfl.nu/rhnt
  Replies (2) Good night (650) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude my mom stole all your condoms

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  (301): Dude my mom stole all your condoms http://tfl.nu/kyrw
  Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (1279)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.

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  (214): So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college. http://tfl.nu/20dw
  Replies (7) Good night (3568) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

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  (910): He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/jw7m
  Replies (26) Good night (5843) Bad night (1314)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha

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  (203): I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha http://tfl.nu/635d
  Replies (10) Good night (4636) Bad night (1336)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.

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  (603): Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone. http://tfl.nu/7k4a
  Replies (12) Good night (1008) Bad night (2425)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times

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  (775): My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times http://tfl.nu/d78u
  Replies (15) Good night (4120) Bad night (929)
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  (949): View more from California

  Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.

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  (949): Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable. http://tfl.nu/3v7d
  Replies (6) Good night (875) Bad night (1228)
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  (760): View more from California

  And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist

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  (760): And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist http://tfl.nu/o8qq
  Replies (7) Good night (2411) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

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  (210): I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti... http://tfl.nu/mzxu
  Replies (3) Good night (752) Bad night (1540)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.

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  (847): The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome. http://tfl.nu/h8r4
  Replies (13) Good night (4916) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.

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  (281): I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever. http://tfl.nu/j15t
  Replies (5) Good night (1934) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.

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  (410): It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station. http://tfl.nu/qovz
  Replies (1) Good night (445) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.

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  (269): I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest. http://tfl.nu/z8nn
  Replies (2) Good night (485) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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  (602): I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time http://tfl.nu/slkz
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (189)

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