Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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  (319): True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes (847): And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me. (319): At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements. http://tfl.nu/k3x0
  Replies (32) Good night (4552) Bad night (720)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg

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  (612): Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg http://tfl.nu/5ras
  Replies (19) Good night (913) Bad night (3842)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.

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  (785): Mines from giving head on hardwood floors. http://tfl.nu/x8b4
  Replies (25) Good night (3276) Bad night (930)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?

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  (440): Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me? http://tfl.nu/fofz
  Replies (7) Good night (806) Bad night (4289)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.

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  (701): Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this. http://tfl.nu/tncp
  Replies (22) Good night (1740) Bad night (4043)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table

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  (610): Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table http://tfl.nu/dmz2
  Replies (92) Good night (998) Bad night (5102)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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  (845): Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science. http://tfl.nu/ee2g
  Replies (20) Good night (7045) Bad night (725)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

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  (847): you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé http://tfl.nu/voe0
  Replies (29) Good night (7794) Bad night (954)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.

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  (304): There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year. http://tfl.nu/n54w
  Replies (23) Good night (4739) Bad night (866)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.

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  (603): Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever. http://tfl.nu/1r4h
  Replies (21) Good night (4899) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I saved lives by not driving this morning

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  (904): way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy... (1-904): I saved lives by not driving this morning http://tfl.nu/no2s
  Replies (9) Good night (8075) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.

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  (304): it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast. http://tfl.nu/xssi
  Replies (8) Good night (1207) Bad night (5360)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.

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  (617): these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean. http://tfl.nu/z2n6
  Replies (13) Good night (2316) Bad night (1455)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.

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  (314): The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons. http://tfl.nu/mw2s
  Replies (10) Good night (2367) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.

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  (647): I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about. http://tfl.nu/aqdw
  Replies (2) Good night (913) Bad night (306)

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