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It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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