Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

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  (909): if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids http://tfl.nu/et14
  Replies (18) Good night (1720) Bad night (4035)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

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  (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/3m71
  Replies (22) Good night (6736) Bad night (631)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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  (952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9
  Replies (38) Good night (7873) Bad night (907)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

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  (401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this." http://tfl.nu/1p18
  Replies (15) Good night (4148) Bad night (5030)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.

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  (615): Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok. http://tfl.nu/sac8
  Replies (15) Good night (1946) Bad night (4649)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him

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  (256): There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him http://tfl.nu/3qir
  Replies (17) Good night (3796) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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  (650): I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain. http://tfl.nu/vu8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2206) Bad night (930)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.

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  (402): 2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America. http://tfl.nu/5vl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1722) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

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  (914): All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore. http://tfl.nu/ai56
  Replies (6) Good night (3147) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.

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  (407): Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas. http://tfl.nu/zp3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1901) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok

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  (786): If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok http://tfl.nu/pfjn
  Replies (4) Good night (852) Bad night (2238)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.

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  (619): But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection. http://tfl.nu/g9u5
  Replies (18) Good night (858) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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  (603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco
  Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (1276)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.

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  (484): Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you. http://tfl.nu/arry
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.

  (562): View more from California

  I love my job.

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  (562): Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night. (562): I love my job. http://tfl.nu/bsab
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (317)

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