I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
