I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.