he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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