A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
