sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You left your phone here
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