apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
