i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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