Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
