mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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