Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
