what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just invented taco cereal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
