every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize