I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
