I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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