i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
