Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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