you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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