last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
