I'm eating all of the evidence.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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