first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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