I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
