Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
