What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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