I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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