Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
