Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
