I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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