yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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