No awkward lesbian experiences without me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they're like a gay fantastic four
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
