Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
