I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
