I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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