Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
