The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
