her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize