I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
