This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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