As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize