"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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