Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
