he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
