we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
