I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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