Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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