Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
