Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again