oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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