I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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