Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
