Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You smell like a Billy Joel song
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
