Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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