when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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