I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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