Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
