He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
look no pants
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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