My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
