I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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