She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
