I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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