So drunk its hurt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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