I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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