just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
