Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
