I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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