Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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