on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
