Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
