Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
