Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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